“What we once enjoyed and deeply loved
we can never lose, for all that we love
deeply becomes part of us.”
~ Helen Keller
What, exactly, does love look like? Is it hearts, flowers, and a box of Godiva chocolates? Is it snuggling, kissing, or various forms of sexual intimacy? Is it a romantic dinner and movie? Is it diamonds, jewelry, and a shopping spree at the local mall? Or does love have something to do with drinking piña coladas and taking walks in the rain? No doubt, love can reveal itself in many forms. I was fortunate enough to witness love in action yesterday afternoon.
We had originally planned for Kathy’s mother, who is in hospice care, to move in with us on Tuesday. Unfortunately, when Tuesday came around, the doctor warned Kathy that Norma’s condition had worsened significantly and that moving her would not be in her best interest. For this reason, she remains in her room at the Villa Fontana Retirement Community in San José.
When Kathy arrived at Villa Fontana yesterday morning, it was clear that Norma’s condition had deteriorated even more. Little by little, the family gathered to be with Norma — and with each other. Father Angelbert Chikere, the parochial vicar at Saint Lawrence Parish in Santa Clara, graciously visited Villa Fontana to anoint Norma. Throughout the day, Kathy and her siblings prayed, shared stories, and ministered to their dying mother. They also cared for each other.
Kathy is one of eight children of Larry and Norma Hamm. Her older brother, John, arrived in the early afternoon from Eureka, California. Jim drove over from Campbell, Tom from Sunnyvale, and Bob from Burlingame. Two of Kathy’s sisters, Theresa and Chrissy, arrived from their homes in the Cambrian Park area of San José. The only sibling not present was Clare, who lives just outside of Seattle. Clare spent a week with her mother last week, but needed to return to Seattle. She may not have been physically present yesterday, but as I sat in the corner of Norma’s room observing the interaction among the family members, there was a tangible sense that Clare was very much with them in spirit.
I was once told that the greatest gift a married couple can provide for their children is a loving relationship. Likewise, I believe the greatest gift kids can give their parents is love for each other. What I saw in Norma’s room at Villa Fontana yesterday should make Norma very happy. She and Larry raised eight children, now adults, who not only love each other, but are comfortable expressing their love for each other. It was such a beautiful thing to see.
What, exactly, does love look like? I’m still not totally sure, but I know I got a glimpse of it with my own eyes yesterday.
